The looking glass

Staring back at me

Brown eyes

Curved lines

A world of wonder

And of heartbreak

Laugh lines fading

Pushing the limits

Living in an endless circle

Of grief

Of joy

Of regret

Of love

Of loathing

The sound of a piano

Ringing in my ears

Waiting for you to change your mind

Waiting for the angels to bring you home

Back into my life

Where you belong

Love blesses me everyday

But your absence

Makes my heart slowly fade away

Missing you

Missing me

The person I was meant to be

The person I see in my minds eye

The one you wanted me to be

But I couldn’t

I could just be me

And sometimes

It doesn’t feel good enough

Sometimes the tears fill my eyes

And I see that girl

The perfectly nice girl

The perfectly spoken girl

The one in white

No red splattered on her dress

No mascara running down her face

Who was that girl?

Where did she go?

Was she ever real?

Is this version of her even real?

The clock ticks away

The days grow shorter

The nights blacker

And I feel the keys beneath my fingers

Not knowing what to say

Not knowing how to change

Not knowing how to turn back time

Turn back the clocks

To when you were here

Taking me to the movies

Cooking Sunday dinners

Telling me I’m beautiful

And my heart beats

At the gym I feel alive

I listen to that song

You know the one

And I know you are cheering me on

Pushing me to become that girl

The one I was meant to be

But I tell you now

Anxiety rests in my bed

Anxiety is all over my head

Trying to forget

Trying to forgive

Trying to live

For me

The words are on the tip of my tongue

And yet they fade away

The fade away

When will it be my time

To fade away

Make my exit

Into the grey

Hands on my chest

Giving myself grace

Remembering

I am the spell

I AM THE SPELL

Words have power

Words help us create

Help us heal

Help us find what we want

And what we need

Words help us to succeed

So my words tonight

Are thank you

And I love you’s

And I need you’s

My words are

I am fine

I am life

I am happy

I am thriving

I am resilient

I am love

I am abundance

I am me

I am the spell

Forgiveness has come and gone

Left here in this song

The song I sing for you

The melody that plays in my ears

The one I still listen to

After all these years

And the words flow through me

Like a river to the sea

Love blesses me