This is where I come to braindump. The poems that I think of, the rambles that I have. But it’s hard to come and be so open online. I did it once in the past and then panicked. I wrote out my feelings in a long post and a number of posts that followed. And I just couldn’t keep my blogs anymore because they were triggering psychosis… delusional thinking. What I wrote wasn’t delusions but what I thought would happen because I wrote those posts were delusions or “intrusive” thoughts.

So how can I be real with you right now? I’ve been thinking about the past a lot this week. Probably because I had a lot of idle time while I was recovering from being sick. And I think that everything had to happen the way it did to get me here and to give me the idea for my next book Psychosis and Me. I think it’s going to be interesting for people to get into my mind. What I was thinking while I was delusional and things I did. It’s a memoir of sorts. I’m really excited to write this book and I realized I wouldn’t be able to if this hadn’t happen to me.

I remember when I got to the hospital January 2017 and they were convinced I was on drugs. They took blood and realized I wasn’t on anything I was just sick. I was delusional and scared of everything. It was a weird state to be in. But I hope my book helps people understand a little bit about psychosis and mental illness. And I hope people with psychosis read it. My therapist told me maybe one day I would write a book that will help people feel seen who have been through this. I plan to send her a copy. Maybe they will distribute it at the hospital programs I was in. It’s exciting to think about. It definitely made life hard. It definitely made life interesting. And I’m a new person because of it. I found my way back to myself through psychosis.

I’ve lived through a lot of things. And I plan on sharing this one piece of me with you. I’ll share the book here when it’s done. I hope you like it!